Embarrassment

Yesterday I was fortunate enough to be invited to attend a book signing event with my daughter and granddaughter. It was for a children's book, but my granddaughter didn't seem very enthusiastic. In fact, she was angry with me at times and shy around the crowd of people. It took me a while to find out why.

My granddaughter has been losing her baby teeth in rapid succession. When I first saw her yesterday, she had lost two more since the last time I saw her and another one was loose. I said something to the effect of, "Wow! You're going to have to start eating mashed potatoes!" I was excited that she was showing such signs of growing up and imagined she'd be pleased. I wanted to see a big gaped-toothed grin! But I didn't.

Inside the bookstore, there was a book about the character we were going to see - Junie B. Jones. The book was about Junie B. losing her baby teeth. The picture on the cover showed a big grin with gaps similar to my granddaughter's. I picked up the book and wanted to buy it for her. She grabbed it out of my hand and put it back. "Look!" I said. "Junie B. has lost her teeth just like you have! Don't you want the book?" I think she hit me again. I said, "What's the matter, Sweetheart?" Her whispered reply? "I'm embarrassed."

How unthinking can a grandmother be? I told her I was sorry I had embarrassed her and I certainly didn't mean to. It never dawned on me that she would be embarrassed by her smile. But it's part of life. I was probably embarrassed when I lost my baby teeth. I know I was embarrassed when my adult teeth grew in because they were huge and protruded until I was old enough to wear braces. And that was another embarrassment. Prior to that, I had to wear glasses. Being called four-eyes was, yet again, embarrassing.

How many times I've been embarrassed in my life by something that seemed wrong about my looks or something I'd said or done, I don't know. How many times I may have tripped or actually fallen down. How many times I've said something completely inappropriate or laughed at a sad event. All my life, it seems. All of everyones', I suppose. But here is the newest I must face. I went to my pulmonary doctor's today to get some more information about my condition and what I should and shouldn't do regarding exercise. I wound up walking out of the office with a prescription for portable oxygen for things like grocery shopping.

Grocery shopping! She's got to be kidding! I have to go to the grocery store now with a cannula shoved up my nose while carrying a container of oxygen????? Well, yes. Yes, I do. And when I walk the dog and when I get the mail and when I go to book signings with my granddaughter. But if I feel embarrassed, I hope I will remember that little girl's plight of having so many of her baby teeth fall out at once. And I hope I can teach her something about embarrassment by not being embarrassed myself.

I don't have the portable canister yet. I had planned to grocery shop on my way back from the doctor's but didn't because I thought I needed to get back right away in case the oxygen supply company called. So far they haven't. The waiting is slightly uneasy. I'd just like to get it over with.

But I think once I go out with it, it will be OK. Or maybe it won't. Maybe people will stare. Maybe I will cry. But maybe I will walk stronger and longer. And I will live to see my granddaughter grow into a beautiful woman. Embarrassed about that? I don't think so.