Enhancing my education

I choked this evening. After swallowing a medication I take that I refer to as a horse pill, I realized that It hadn't gone down and was lodged in my throat, just beyond the swallowing place (another technical term). I immediately took more swallows of water, but they didn't go anywhere and simply rolled out of my mouth. Then came the moment when I attempted to take a breath. The air stopped at the back of my throat as if it had slammed into a wall. I knew I was choking and could die, but didn't panic. I first thought of trying the Heimlich maneuver on myself by throwing myself over the back of one of my kitchen table chairs. Somehow I knew that wouldn't work and I also knew I didn't have much time. I decided I must get to my next door neighbor's - fast. I stopped at the keypad to turn off my alarm; when the door opens and it's on, the racket is horrendous. Yes, I thought of all these things at the same time I could have been dying. As I raised my hand to the keypad, I breathed in air. It was over and I was OK.

How long did the entire episode last? Less than 20 seconds, I'm sure. And it didn't seem any different to me. Time didn't stand still, nor did it move in slow motion. Possibly for the first time in my life, I was in serious, immediate danger. And I didn't panic. I thought quite clearly and acted on my thoughts. That may seem peculiar for a person with panic disorder, but it's not the first time that's happened. In other frightening situations, not involving myself, I have acted in a calm, controlled manner and, on one occasion in particular, very much saved the day when my toddler daughter and nephew were caught on a runaway horse. But that's a story for another day - perhaps.

Was there a lesson to be learned here? Of course. It's the same lesson I've been trying to teach myself since I began this blog - Everyday Is Today. Every day matters so much. Every day is for living, learning, laughing - doing anything except worrying about tomorrow. Yes, I want to heal my lungs and I believe I can. That is, more or less, my mission at this point in my life. But when, where, and how I will leave this body is something I do not know and cannot know. At least, we aren't supposed to know and that's just one of the many reasons I'm opposed to capital punishment.

But back to my worries, my fears, my efforts to live every day as fully and as happily as I can. I really have been doing that. The choking episode this evening simply reinforces. I must not be afraid. I must not be downhearted. That serves no one - especially me.

I want to start writing again. I want to write children's books. Perhaps I can incorporate, in an age-appropriate-way, the things I have learned in my studies of Reality, Other Religions Besides Christianity, Christianity, and Many More Exciting And Important Things. I actually like that as a title - Exciting And Important Things. And there's always that classic, The Joy Of Not Choking.