Today, today, today...

Sorry to say, to myself, that it wasn't a great day as far as how I felt. I have been breathless most all day whenever I have done anything. Doesn't mean I was idle - I exercised, did my Qigong and breathing exercises, climbed stairs to get to my hairdressers, walked my dog, walked to the mailbox, went grocery shopping.

Well. After typing all that, I am wondering if that's why I haven't felt well. I did a lot today. While I was at my house in the morning I felt OK doing exercises, walking the dog. It was in the afternoon, starting with the trip to the mailbox when I started to feel out of breath. I took my little oximeter reading too many times. Once it was 88. Didn't like that. But once it was 96. Go figure.

I wish I had some kind of guide as to what I should and maybe shouldn't be doing. My doctor, when she put me on the oxygen, said, "Go swimming!" when I bemoaned the fact that I couldn't swim while hauling around an oxygen tank and that I loved going to the pool. I supposed I based my new routine on her saying that. I guess I figure if I am able to swim, then I am able to do less strenuous exercises. Still, I am so aware now of when I am out of breath. I used to always attribute it to stress - hyperventilation. Something I've done a billion times in my life. This feels the same so it's hard for me to know if I'm anxious or running low on oxygen. I do have my oximeter. But if I had had it when I was really having horrific panic attacks, I wonder if it would have read that I was low on oxygen. Doctors used to tell me not to be afraid of the panic attacks because the worst thing that would happen to me was I would faint. Then my breathing would return to normal - in that unconscious state. That was a fabulous thing to tell me. Subsequently, I developed a fear of fainting in public that I still have today.

But that stuff is about my panic disorder and this blog concerns my journey to heal my lungs. I believe the two are connected, but I won't write about it today. Today I will say that even though I feel I had a "bad" day, it really wasn't. I accomplished a lot, didn't faint or have a heart attack. Today I was better that I thought I was. I will take that to bed with me and concentrate on healing.